I am currently sitting in the Blackwater Cafe in Tacoma. It is a nice little hip place with decent coffee, good wifi and music near the hospital. I came here with the intention of studying a bit before my shift starts in the Mary Bridge Pediatric ED. What happened? I emailed friends and surfed the internet and just tried to goof off as if it was an actual sunny day and I had time to enjoy my life. This does not mean I don't enjoy my pediatrics education, I just miss time to enjoy a sunny day, take a walk and talk with friends.Perhaps I am thinking of this more today because I have started to venture back out into the dating world in a small way. I have met a few very cool people and spent some time with someone I used to date but it is really becoming apparent quickly that I have no idea how to incorporate these people into my life.
Very soon I have to leave for my next clinical rotation and it will be harder to get back and forth to Seattle. Is there any way for romance to be incorporated into third year medical school? I spend the next 6 weeks in Aberdeen, WA area for internal medicine and then back to Seattle for 6 more weeks of internal medicine. Does not seem too bad, but after that I have two rotations in Alaska that are split by 6 weeks in Anacortes, WA! Anacortes is only a couple hours from Seattle, so returning for weekends is possible but what sort of woman would be willing to deal with all this? A patient one perhaps... Someone with a full life of her own and the ability to move slowly?
I really enjoy the learning I am in the middle of but I miss having someone around to chat with late at night and plan trips with or just to meet with for a quick dinner at the hospital. It is hard to reconcile that desire with the fact that my life right now requires a pretty full time commitment. I often feel a little guilty spending time with people that may actually like me and then have to let go of me when I need to focus on the hospital and such. I have been trying to evolve a belief that I should enjoy the time I have with people when it is available and if a situation arises that seems to compete with medicine for my attention then I will pay attention to that and work harder to make it part of my life. Perhaps there is no good answer for this and I suppose that is okay too. Just keep moving forward finding joy in what I can and being a little sad about what I am missing during this process.
