My Cello

I am listening to a Podcast of RadioLab in the few late afternoon hours I have before my overnight shift in the ER. Radiolab is a show I just discovered - it is very similar in format to This American Life, one of my other favorite public radio shows which has become legend much in the same way A Prairie Home Companion has. I can't imagine listening to public radio without either of these gold standards and I am hoping Radiolab is going to become another long time favorite.

My cello that finds itself alone most days now...

Today I am listening to a short episode dedicated to Zoe Keating's cello and I can't help but feel heartache for my own beautiful cello that tends to sit in the corner more often than not. She was the first cellist to create the computer looped sound of a single cello that grows into it's own string symphony. It is an interesting show in that she discusses her early start with the cello and the extreme stage fright she felt that kept her from pursuing a professional career in cello initially. As she progressed through her alternate life she kept up the cello and found through experimentation ways to play her own music that did not cause the fear to rise and has since made a mark for herself with her own unique sound. It is quite beautiful and you can listen to the RadioLab podcast (if you subscribe to them in iTunes you get some extra shorts not on the radio where I found this one) dedicated to her or just find some stuff on her website.

Its beautiful even when just sitting there...

I find listening to cello inspires me yet at the same time discourages me. It is such a beautiful instrument and I have neglected my own practice to such an extent that I rarely find that same beautiful sound when I play it these days. My practice has fallen by the wayside as I have progressed through my medical training, much as many of my hobbies have. I had an excellent teacher in Seattle (Mary Riles) and would love to take up my lessons again when this is all over. For me I find that creativity in any form, but especially the cello and writing, can only come after I have uncluttered my mind of the million small tasks, urges and compulsions that daily life seems to bring. Check the mail, do the dishes, make sure I am prepared for my next shift in the ED, read a few pages in one my texts, clean the house, catch up, catch up, do, do, things, things. I am sure this is part of my own OCD / ADD sort of tendencies to find myself unable to focus on one particular thing for more than a few moments because the constant stream of odds and ends that crowd my brain are always tugging at me. Only after I have done enough of them, spent time considering several of them or laid to rest a few items on my "to do list" can I create some empty space in my life. I must allow my mind to "unwind" at its own pace. This makes pursuing any of my creative urges so hard while in medical training. I never have enough time outside of work, which speeds my brain up even more, to let my brain totally unwind and create enough space for the much more subtle urges and feelings that I need to create to rise up of their own accord. I often just can't sit down with my cello until I spent 6 or 7 hours puttering, doing, completing and then can finally exhale and relax.

So, I am going to end this post now and sit down with my cello and tune the strings and play some scales and perhaps just sit and bow the strings for a while and listen to it sing and dream of the day I can retire on some land near the mountains or ocean and find that open time to create some music, or real writing or who knows what. I will try to not think about the myriad of sick patients I will have to care for about 1 hour and 24 minutes from now.